Can someone please revise this poem to make sure it clicks?

It is a haiku so if you want to change words remember the 5-7-5 syllable pattern. It is about Germany, Hitler and World War II. I am doing this for english extra credit so if you please do your best.





PS please don't copy this I created it NOT you and I would like to keep it that way





The end of World War


Not to be known as the first


Inflicted pain strikes





Dragging onwards till


Adolf Hitler came to reign


Seized upon the Jew





None were permitted


Burned by the Star of David


Pulling forth its’ past





Concentration camps


Gassing children, gassing babes


Smoking furnace blaze





Dug all on your own


Shot down in the air and pushed


Mass graves haunt the sight





Work is liberty


Tanks dug beneath the wounded


Gone for good, for life





Not long forgotten


History should not repeat


Genocidal weep








thank you,


em

Can someone please revise this poem to make sure it clicks?
I liked it a lot.





I do think there could be more use of WWII terminology though. Panzer. Blitzkreig. Patton. Himmler. Goehring. Luftwaffe. i think these might be neat words to tie in and use if you can.





Maybe if you did some research you could put in some of the vivid images and sounds, people and places that could really bring that time into ours.





For example I know the missiles they dropped on Great Britain made a particular sound. Or tanks rumbling. Or the sound of marching.





Also, I believe it is haiku to include some seasonal references. Maybe there could be some in this poem? Is it all wintery? Or does "hope spring eternal" as they say? Or fall when the leaves die?





Good work though. I enjoyed reading your poem. Thanks.
Reply:Very good! You write fabulous poems and I'm sure that NOBODY would dare copy your poem it is something YOU worked hard on and YOU get ALL the credit.