Sunday, January 22, 2012

Poem-colors?

Colors are like people


There's more than meets the eye


No two are quite the same


It's own rhythm each lives by





Red a blazing fire


Or Juicy apples in July


Mobs on overcast days


A newborn babe's first cry





Orange a spark of hope


A simple act of gratitude


The fresh scent of peeled fruit


Fish with a gleeful attitude





Yellow is the sun's energy


The happiness of two friend


Warmth a smile always brings


Daffodils in summer winds





Green is life born anew


A tree so proud and tall


A young deer grazing peacefully


Soft rain finishing it's fall





Blue is a gurgling stream


Birds soaring in a cloudless sky


The peace endless oceans bring


A tear that will not dry





Purple an ultraviolet light


Twinkling stars where bats fly


A bruise from a clumsy stumble


Violets swaying under a gorgeous sky





Our differences may seem grand


Yet we're all important in life's game


For what would a rainbow be


If each color were the same?

Poem-colors?
The last line of the first verse is awkward because it is back to front in order to get the rhyme with 'eye'


How about this instead





Colours are like people


No two are quite the same


With each there's more than meets the eye


Each has a different aim.





Red is


Orange is


What does 'mobs on overcast days' mean? Is it some American thing I wouldn't recognise?





I love the Orange verse


- a fish with gleeful attitude (great image)





Soft rain ceasing to fall. (???) yours is too long





two friends





I think the thing I am trying to say here is - just take time to read your poem aloud, hear where it is a bit clumsy, or where the rhythm fails, make small adjustments and the end product will be something to be proud of.


You have clearly worked hard on this poem and in many ways you have succeeded in what you set out to do.


Well done.
Reply:cool


i love your decriptions and imagery


its so original
Reply:!!!!


No comments:

Post a Comment